The Code strikes back

For the record, I refer to the people known below as “the guys” in an unfavorable manner, and to be fair it’s not just their fault. Lack of communication between us and them and whatever else it is I don’t know has resulted in them appearing to be completely off the charts on the C-axis, and we’re not talking the collaborator end here… At the time the below conversation took place I hadn’t really reflected much on the matter though and put more blame on them than they deserve.

[13:19:50] HS : How is the document writing going? Let me know if you need some help
[13:26:59] FT : good morning
[13:27:13] FT : we will have the first meeting today, lunch time. :/
[13:27:27] FT : but i just talked to “the guys”
[13:27:55] FT : can you please use the time to set up the old system (as is) in place of the current new one?
[13:35:11] HS : The one with the crap code?
[13:35:33] HS : I tried that, I couldn’t do it
[13:35:48] FT : what was the prob again?
[13:43:45] HS : Couldn’t get the configurations correct
[13:44:30] HS : I could not find the place where the db password etc are entered, I found two places and changed in both but it still didn’t work
[13:58:43] FT : okay… damn, maybe we find something this time. we have to try it… cause they will use this system until a new one gots implemented
[14:32:24] HS : I spent 4-5 hours trying to make it work, why is it so important?
[14:33:18] FT : because they will use this system until the new one is finished
[14:33:32] FT : they only need 3 minor bugfixes we should be able to do
[14:35:43] HS : I higly recommend that they DO NOT use it at all because it can break apart at any time and simply stop working or worse, put the wrong amount of money in the wrong accounts or something
[14:37:01] HS : They should avoid that system at any cost, I mean it, no joke
[14:37:02] FT : it worked before… so they say. i saw the coding myself man… i know the risks… :/
[14:37:20] HS : I’m sure it’s working at the moment… :)
[14:37:42] HS : But as soon as some table grows too big or something, BOOM!
[14:37:59] FT : yubba
[14:38:32] FT : how complicated (as we will delete all old data) will it be to change at least some db requests / db fields … for example, where dates are stored as strings?
[14:42:39] HS : You mean they are having problems with the Mai thing?
[14:43:02] HS : ie ORDER BY date is not working like they want :)
[14:43:05] HS : ?
[14:44:25] FT : i just think it would be better for the system… and would raise my hopes that it could survive until the new system is ready to launch
[14:44:58] HS : What are those 3 bugs you were talking about before exactly?
[14:46:20] FT : newsletter is not working

add total sums to the statistics

the VAT is currently calculated 2 times when calculating an invoice for the affiliate from the backend - the error seems only to be in the backend for the admin
[14:47:51] HS : haha, man oh man (As R would say…) anything else that they might have “forgotten” at the moment? ;)
[14:48:15] FT : :D
[14:48:21] FT : no, don`t think so
[14:48:43] FT : with the newsletter, “only” the sending does not seem to work
[14:49:11] HS : I mean you are not trying to fool me into starting to work with this now and in a couple of days you will be like oh I forgot to tell you about that 4th bug… and then 5th… and so on and after awhile we have a very nice soup boiled from that little nail?
[14:49:29] FT : :D
[14:49:33] FT : no man! promise!
[14:49:48] FT : sorry… had to stand up after rolling laughing on the floor…
[14:50:30] HS : I believe you, but I don’t trust them at all, they have behaved in a very strange way so far, If I was a freelancer and they had hired me I would tell them to fuck off so much you have no idea
[14:51:10] HS : I think they have some beets and potatoes up their sleeves, even some cabbage!
[14:51:55] FT : *g* i will meet them later, taking care that these 3 things are everything they need to have changed
[14:53:33] HS : Sure but I believe that there are people down here who have a much better mindset to deal with this crap code than me, they are much more competent than me in shifting through crap, P is actually the best I’ve ever seen. Honest to god man, I’m not saying this just to get off of this one, it’s really the truth, you have to trust me!
[14:55:36] FT : I know this… maybe you start uploading the stuff and than have a talk with him monday morning
[14:56:00] HS : On our server here?
[14:56:16] HS : I’ve already tried that, didn’t work there is not enough space for the DB here
[14:56:21] FT : na, upload it to the new server
[14:56:39] HS : something in Germany?
[14:56:52] FT : the new server with the new site on it
[14:56:55] HS : Btw I don’t have it anymore, deleted it…
[14:57:07] FT : deleted what?
[14:57:19] FT : ah, the old system?
[14:57:19] HS : The stuff you sent me, the crap code + database
[14:57:43] FT hat die Datei “XXXX.zip” gesendet
[14:57:59] HS : 693KB I don’t think so :)
[14:59:06] FT : nope
[14:59:10] FT : seems i don`t have it either…
[14:59:37] HS : The best news I’ve heard today!
[14:59:44] FT : :D
[14:59:46] HS : It should stay that way
[14:59:52] FT : don`t be so sarcastic man
[15:07:45] HS : If you upload the zip to the server I’ll take it from there, unzip, import etc
[15:20:06] FT : yeah… trying to get it…
[15:20:18] FT : or find (whew)it…
[15:23:37] HS : Don’t try too hard! We don’t want you to get stressed or something, you’re too important for that OK? Take it easy and take your time, easy does it now…
[15:34:25] FT : :P
[16:32:23] FT : found it on the XXX server - a rar file named XXXX
[16:32:50] HS : Nooooo!! ;)
[16:33:04] FT : (rofl)
[16:33:17] HS : K, upload it then and I’ll start messing with BigDump and the rest
[16:36:02] FT : allready uploading it
[16:36:09] FT : to srv / www /
[16:36:49] HS : k, we’re talking about the same server here, the one you sent me password to before?
[16:37:06] FT : sure … the affiliate server
[16:37:09] HS : k
[17:46:36] FT : forget about this
[17:46:57] FT : we will work with the running application… their server. i send you the details… talking right now
[17:47:01] FT : just wanted to inform you
[17:47:07] HS : haha !!
[17:47:13] HS : this is too good!
[17:47:40] HS : I have to frame this conversation or something :)
[17:47:49] FT : :P you`re plain evil
[17:49:24] HS : >>we will work with the running application… their server. i send you the details… talking right now<<
I like it like this, dangerous oh so dangerous but so lovely!
[17:50:26] HS : The adrenaline kicks we all can look forward to, I'm all excited already ;)
[17:52:51] HS : You know it's like the code is evil, it's resisting safe handling, it want's everything to blow up, it's what it lives for, it just sits there waiting for the right moment to as big a disaster as it can.
[17:53:17] HS : Code: 1
Us: 0
To be continued...
[17:53:45] HS : create as big a...
[17:57:38] HS : K, I have to go, movie time! Have no fear, we shall prevail! Drink a lot of beer this weekend while you can! Maybe stock up too in the office fridge over there? :)

That evil PHP code just won't go away. If programmers were wizards then the poor inexperienced wizard who accidentally conjured forth this monstrous demon is surely dead already, killed by his own abomination. He was clearly in over his head when he tried to summon that little newt...

Or maybe the sinister group who contracted him just kept asking, or even threatening, for more all the time? Yes maybe this creature really was a newt from the beginning, it's just the result of ever more desperate attempts at transformation magic that ended in one of the worst magical disasters ever seen.

I don't really feel privileged to be a part of the team of intrepid magicians called in to handle this freak that is wreaking havoc on our great servers, cities, sorry I meant cities!

The worst part is that they don't want us to simply kill it which would be easy, no they want us to continue the modifications in order to pacify the beast, madness! To actually have to attempt transformations, even small ones, on this unstable Lord of Chaos calls for a very special kind of genius, a very rare type, but we might have found an adept with the proper skills.

As you might know we have already tried cloning the thing in order to practice the transformations on the clone up in the mountains where mistakes are less likely to hurt real people. Unfortunately the monster is too powerful already and is resisting all attempts at cloning which forces us to attempt the modifications directly on the marauding original. The risk for collateral damage is extremely high, interesting times indeed.


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